Category Archives: Realizations & Ponderings

Self-explanatory

The Blahs vs Mimi

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POTM_2008_03WinterBlahsThe last few nights I’ve slept restlessly.  I don’t know if it’s because our mattress is on the floor right now (we threw out our box springs in the bed bug fiasco this summer), if I’m thinking about a lot of things, or what.

I think it’s the latter of those:  lots of things on my mind.  Maybe if I type them out I’ll feel better.  Sure – why not unload them on you?  Just kidding.  If you don’t mind “listening” here goes:

Almost two years ago when we moved into our townhouse we were following the Dave Ramsey plan religiously.  It was hard but we actually had “financial peace” because we were saving little bits for the things ahead, we were using cash for purchases and basically living within our means.  Well we gradually floated away from those strict guidelines and so now are scrambling to get back to that financially peaceful state.  Pile on a few more expenses and concerns and the trip back is becoming a little more taxing and stressful for me.  Kimmi’s going to college next week, our short-term tenants are moving out of our Hazelwood house next week, we’ve had those unexpected repairs and other expenses that always turn up so now the savings is back to square one (zero), and it goes on.  This is not unlike so many others, though, I know that!  I also know God’s always provided for us.  Why is it, then, that in the meantime I allow myself to get so anxious?  I’m not trusting fully today.  I’m also kicking myself for not sticking with the plan – we would be better off at this point.  The guilt is pretty heavy – as this is a subject I struggle with all the time!

It’s just one of those days – I feel emotional and quiet.  Quiet is okay.  Emotions are okay but I am asking God to settle me down.  I want His amazing peace, like a hot towel fresh out of the dryer wrapped around me to ease the chill of guilt, pressure, and uncertainty.  I remember one of my life verses in Philippians 4 and recall the well-known and wonderful advice from Paul to lay my needs before God, be thankful, and know He’ll take care of me and my family.  Oh – and rejoicing.  How do you rejoice when you feel down and emotional?  That’s a puzzler.  If I intentionally think about how good God is, how He blesses, try to think above earthly/material things and rise up to an eternal perspective it gets easier.  Rejoicing doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re jumping up and down with a big smile on your face like a middle school cheerleader.  The word rejoice means “to be glad about”.  I can be glad in many things and remember that even if all I had – ALL I had – was God, I would have enough and I could be glad.  Well I DO have God!  I have more than enough in my life…and I AM glad.

Thanks for “listening”.

I know the Lord is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.
No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.   Psalm 16:8-9  NLT

Step Back

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Some thoughts from the last few days:

What if every morning I just prayed and said to God, “I’m stepping back, God.  You’re in charge of my schedule, my encounters with other people, my words, my behavior, my safety or lack thereof, my thoughts, everything.”  What amazing things would I experience?  What freedom!  I know I still have plans and schedules, but to release it all to God first thing and remember that His plans are best.  Those are the ones I want.

My sis and I were “talking” through email about this and she had these wise words for me, “Jesus just moved through his day and touched and taught as he went along.  …He was on his way to heal a man’s sick (actually dead) daughter and the sick woman touched his robe.  He stopped briefly and she was healed (ok, her life was changed and it took him like 2 seconds) and then he went on where he was going!  He just allowed life to happen and he worked in the situations that presented themselves.  For whatever reason, ok the Holy Spirit, it was suddenly so clear to me that with Jesus as our example, that is what God wants us to do, too.”

to doSo true!  We tend to be goal-oriented, task-driven people focused on the end of the race as our goal when our goal should really be all the stuff in between, the day to day running, the pressing on, the scenery along that day’s path, the little moments when we see our big God at work in and through us.

I’m going to pray as I walk/jog in the mornings that God will let me relax back into all that He is and just be carried along through the day by Him.  Total trust.  Total surrender.  Total peace, too.  I’m going to just step back.

We can make our plans,
but the Lord determines our steps.   Proverbs 16:9

It’s Still Good

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I’ve been thinking a LOT about the nature of the Church in America, how we do some things right, how we do some things seemingly wrong, how we miss the mark so often by getting distracted and becoming like social clubs, how it seems we’ve failed in being life-saving stations.  I’ve swayed so far on the continuum that I’ve wondered the purpose of meeting every Sunday to sing songs and have “church.”  What is the point in all this that we do week after week, God?  Is this accomplishing your mission for us??

This morning God showed me that it’s still good.  Meeting for worship with other believers, other “sheep” is still a very good thing.  There’s nothing wrong with it – it’s just not all there is.  When we meet we encourage one another, we get help shifting our focus back to God, we hear from God’s Word, we gain new insights and direction, we hopefully hear testimonies of how God is at work in other people’s lives, we celebrate how good God is together, we sing, we pray together.  It’s still good!   As a church we just can’t stop or stay there.  Our mission is to get out and share hope and Jesus with everyone who hasn’t believed yet.  How do we do that?  That’s the million dollar question! Continue reading →

Re: Ta-tas and such

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WARNING TO MALE READERS:  This post contains much estrogen-saturated material and may not be suitable for the male Psyche.  At the very least, a male reader may experience the WTMI (way too much information) effect after only a few lines.  Hey, I warned you.

A blog is for my thoughts and feelings, right?  And hey, this is my blog, so I’m going to blog about some personal stuff because it’s been on my mind so much the last few days.

It’s amazing how our self-image can be so tied up with our bodies.  I was born a “big-boned” girl and at the ripe old age of 9 months had rolls on my thighs that could cut off my parents’ finger circulation as they tried to change my diapers.  Puberty gave the thighs a come-back and I’ve been less than thrilled about the lower half of my body every since.  My sister and I used to joke that it would sure be nice if you could suck in your thighs like you suck in your belly.

I’ve heard there are two basic body shapes:  apples and pears.  I don’t know who came up with the fruit idea but it kind of makes sense if you look around you.  Apples have thin little legs, but tend to gain weight on top, either having round bellies or big chests.  Pears, like me, tend to be smaller on top but gain weight/hold weight in the lower half of the body more.  Invariably when I exercised more and watched what I ate more, my chest was the first to go.  Of all places I was NOT heavily endowed that was it, so the injustice stung all the more.   AND after breastfeeding all three of my girls, which I am so glad I did, what little I had became like deflated balloons or little empty tube socks.  I’m just sayin’.   Continue reading →

Just Do It

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nike-just-do-it

The famous Nike slogan “Just Do It”, coined by Dan Wieden, co-founder of the advertising agency Wieden+Kennedy, was considered one of the top ad slogans of the 20th century.  I’m adopting it as my personal slogan.  The tricky thing is that I have a lifetime membership in “Procrastinators Anonymous” (I think we’re having a meeting tomorrow, maybe).  For some reason I avoid tasks that seem unpleasant or difficult in the attempt to have peace, comfort, or time to partake in some other more enjoyable activity, only to find that I feel more stressed and restless.

Have you ever stood in a kitchen with dirty dishes stacked precariously high, piles of laundry looming, kids messing around when they’re supposed to be doing homework, stacks of clean clothes yet to be put away, bills to pay, a closet to organize, dinner to fix…?  You get the picture.  It seems much easier in those times for me to just to try and forget all I have to do as I get a diet coke and go sit down.  However, it’s all still there when my moment of intentional oblivion is over.  My mom used to tell me, just start on ONE thing.  Just do it.  Continue reading →

Really?

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One of my pet peeves is when people forward an emotional story or prayer request, or sensational news story that gets people all riled up and isn’t even true.  It seems we, the human race, are pretty quick to believe what other people say.  Either that or we’re too lazy or careless to find out if it’s true before spreading it around to others.

I’ve had emphatic pleas from friends who read that if you forward this email to 100 people such and such famous company will send you a check for lots of money, using some email tracking program that doesn’t even exist!  I’ve received prayer requests that are no longer valid – either the person was healed, found, or the situation remedied and the request just keeps circulating and circulating.   The fabricated stories about faith are the ones that frost me the most.  I once read an email story about Billy Graham evangelizing with the entire crowd from one of his rallies in New Orleans, many being saved, only to find out that someone made it up.  It never happened.   Continue reading →

Holy Spirit Check

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In staff meeting today my boss gave me a great mind picture of what it is like for us to live in tune with God’s Spirit.  He likened the promptings and guidance the Holy Spirit gives us to a spell check on the computer.  I imagined as I’m going through my day, my mind rolling through thoughts and words, if I pay attention I just might see the little red squiggly line in my mind under something that needs correcting…hopefully before I  speak or act.

Jesus told his disciples when he was about to physically leave the earth that he wouldn’t abandon them but send His Spirit to be with them.  He said, “The Spirit will teach you everything and will remind you of what I said while I was with you.”   (John 14:26  CEV)

spell-check2I know when I’ve turned in projects or worked on something important on a job, something that would be printed and sent to hundreds of people, I was glad to let the spell-check correct me.  It was a handy little helper.   The Holy Spirit is so much more than that, filling so many roles in my life:  counselor, advocate, intercessor, helper, companion.  I guess I need to pay better attention to Him as teacher/reminder so I’ll catch those helpful “red lines” from God, keeping me on track and in check, especially since I’m representing him to everyone with whom I talk or interact.   If I remember He’s living in my heart and mind all the time and I don’t have to click on “Holy Spirit check”, there will be a lot fewer verbal and behavioral typos.

Holy Spirit, keep me in check.  You know my thoughts and words before I think or speak.  Make me aware of your correcting and give me the grace to accept it.

“Let my words and my thoughts be pleasing to you, LORD…”   Psalm 139:14  CEV

More thoughts from the front row

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Nothing teaches you about God’s nature as a heavenly father like being a parent.  I have learned so much through the different stages of life we’ve experienced so far about his patience, his unconditional love, his desires for us to “succeed” and win, his devotion, his delight in us, his eagerness to protect and guide us, and more.

frontrowEver since my first little baby girl was born I’ve had the privilege of a front row seat.  God graciously invited John and I to be co-directors in the continuing saga of their lives.  It’s been challenging, exciting, funny, sad, frustrating, exhausting, joyful, disappointing, humbling, and wonderful.  No shortage of dramatic girls for the roles of the three daughters in this story.

About 7-8 years ago the scene began changing as we entered the teen phase of parenting.  It started off so smoothly we smugly thought we had it made.  “Piece of cake!  What’s the big deal everyone’s always talking and whining about?  It’s not that different than the last scene.”  And really, compared to many we do have it made.  Our girls are a delight to us, make us proud, fill our lives so much that we don’t want to imagine what it would be like without them.  The last few years have become a bit more challenging however – Continue reading →

Don’t look at the headlights

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I walked out into the warm, humid, early morning air to take my jog for today and headed up the road.  I could tell it was overcast.  Even though it was dark as night, the cloud cover seemed thick and low.  There are two paths I can take in the morning, one heads north toward two nearby neighborhoods, the other east toward a big neighborhood.  Either way, I have to do my warm-up walk by dark woods before I get to sidewalks and houses.  I don’t relish that as the dark woods kind of give me the creeps!   On a clear morning the dawn begins lightening the sky by the time I head back toward home…but I knew it wouldn’t be that way today.

As I walked, the path was barely visible but I know the route well.  I was determined to warm-up at a fast pace and get to the street-light lined street quickly.  Whenever a car appeared, heading my way, the headlights were blinding.  I made the mistake of looking toward them the first time and the path disappeared – the lights being so bright everything else became completely black.  The next time a car drove by I kept my eyes on the path and even though it was barely visible ’til the car passed by, I could still see where I was going.  It made me think of a great devotional I read a few days ago by John Piper about the verses in Matthew 6:22, “Your eye is a lamp that provides light for your body. When your eye is good, your whole body is filled with light. 23But when your eye is bad, your whole body is filled with darkness.”   I’ve read that verse many times but often thought Jesus had it backwards.  The eye as a lamp?  It gave me a mental image of someone with eyes shining like flashlights on everything around them.  Now that would come in handy on these dark early morning jaunts!   Continue reading →

Unplugged

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Did you hear it?  The wails of three teenagers echoing across the entire state of Indiana when we told them we were having an “unplugged” no cell phone, no facebook trip to see their grandparents in NY this weekend?

John and I decided we’re going to leave cell phones at home (except for his in case of emergency) and not allow anyone on facebook either.  It’s only for five days but you would have thought we asked each of the girls to personally cut off their own arms and forever live in caves as hermits.

We live in a deluge of input, information, communication, entertainment, and technology and it seems to have caused American Christians to become spiritually malnourished, weak, subtly distracted and preoccupied.   I have to admit I have allowed it to make me that way.   When was the last time I sat down just to be quiet?  How about an evening without turning on the TV or sitting down in front of the Internet?  How about going for a walk outside and not taking the iPod?  Continue reading →