Look in the mirror. Own up to what you see.

Posted on by
2

If I want my doctor to help me with something, I have to tell her what’s wrong.  I have to reveal things about myself that might not be so pretty.  If I want a counselor to assist me in regaining wholeness, I have to be gut honest about myself, my family, my past, whatever, in order for him/her to get to the root of the problem and show me how to resolve it.  Without a willingness to be fully open or totally honest, I’ll just be getting band-aid solutions that don’t fully get rid of the real problem.  The symptoms might go away for a while but they’ll be back, and maybe even more ferociously than before.

It’s not easy.  Probably the biggest obstacle is my pride.  Why would I want to show someone else something ugly or flawed about myself?  How embarrassing.  What will they think?   How will I feel about myself?   Who wants to admit a glaring weakness to someone else and show that I don’t have it all together?  I might even appear hypocritical.

This weekend our church is a part of a consultation to help us evaluate ourselves and grow.  One step toward growth, integrity, and becoming more like Jesus is being willing to see truthfully who we are and/or what we have become, admit it is true and be ready to submit to God’s molding, reshaping, and pruning.  It’s as if He’s holding up his big supernatural mirror and we’re seeing the big picture like we haven’t before.  John and I met with the consultation team last night.  Before we went in I felt a little like I did back in school days thinking I had to see the principal. Continue reading →

Deja vu and freshman year envy

Posted on by
1

IMG_2435The day finally arrived for Kimmi and she is now moved in at AU and ready for her first year of college!  She had her car loaded up and ready to go and after running some last-minute errands in the morning we headed to Anderson in the early afternoon.  Driving over, I kept glancing in the side rear-view mirror to see her following behind.  The words in the mirror were a strange comfort:  “objects in the mirror are closer than they appear.”  John wondered aloud if Kimmi had butterflies.  “I do,” I replied as he chuckled.

IMG_2437We arrived at Rice Hall, where I lived my sophomore year and John lived for four years.  A friendly student started to lead us upstairs to her room and as we rounded the 2nd floor set of stairs we were greeted by a bunch of smiling, colorful, upper-class art students (the dreadlocks kind of gave it away).  They guessed Kimmi’s name until they got it right, then told her they were ready to help her move in!  The moment they began their enthusiastic welcome to a much-delighted Kimmi, I could almost feel John and I becoming invisible and fading farther back in the stairwell.  This is what’s supposed to happen, though.   Continue reading →

No whiner babies allowed, including me

Posted on by
2

complainingcom-plain [kuhm-pleyn]
to express dissatisfaction, pain, uneasiness, censure, resentment, or grief; find fault

—————————————-

I called my daughter on the carpet last night and confronted her about a complaining attitude, only to have God gently poke me on the shoulder this morning and tell me to heed my own words.  Ow.

My daughter’s not so thrilled with her part-time job and says something about it just about every time she’s about to go there and work.  This week it was getting old to me.  I told her if she was that unhappy with it to just quit, but that she also wouldn’t have a job, or an income, or gas money, or spending money.  I reminded her that there are many less-appealing jobs she could have and to be thankful.  She knows all this stuff but I felt a reminder was in order.

I was thinking more about it as John and I finished our jog/walk this morning in quietness, as the dark blue sky began to lighten and the twinkling stars began to fade out of sight.  The Bible tells us that every good thing comes from God, the Father of light, who never changes like shifting shadows do.  What He gives is good!   So, when my daughter complains about her job, in a way she’s saying, “I don’t like your gift,” or “it’s not good enough” or “I wish you had given me something different.”  We wouldn’t say that to a friend or someone in our family who had just given us a gift – it would be hurtful and ungrateful.  When we complain – an ungrateful attitude is lurking and showing itself.

I looked up the word complain on dictionary.com and found it interesting that the first definition is to “express dissatisfaction.”  Continue reading →

Countdown to Move-In Day Thoughts

Posted on by
1

I had some nice time with just Kimmi this past weekend and was glad.  I’m still bracing myself for the adjustment to her being away from home and “klotzfive” changing to “klotzfour” for a while at home.  All weekend I found myself sighing and thinking things like, “oh, this is her last Sunday singing on worship team at church for a while”, “this is her last weekend at home”, “look at her room empty and all packed up”, etc.  Then I could just imagine her thinking those same thoughts but with a different perspective:  “Yes!  My last weekend at home for a while,” “Room packed up and ready to go – yes!”  I keep trying to remember how I felt at her age and when I was about to go to college at AU.  I had no sad thoughts, only excitement for getting out on my own.  My parents lived in Anderson so it wasn’t a long distance, sad departure for me.  I was ready and glad!

Two more days…I think with mixed emotions, quietly
Two more days!!  Kimmi must be thinking with a big smile on her face

The Blahs vs Mimi

Posted on by
Reply

POTM_2008_03WinterBlahsThe last few nights I’ve slept restlessly.  I don’t know if it’s because our mattress is on the floor right now (we threw out our box springs in the bed bug fiasco this summer), if I’m thinking about a lot of things, or what.

I think it’s the latter of those:  lots of things on my mind.  Maybe if I type them out I’ll feel better.  Sure – why not unload them on you?  Just kidding.  If you don’t mind “listening” here goes:

Almost two years ago when we moved into our townhouse we were following the Dave Ramsey plan religiously.  It was hard but we actually had “financial peace” because we were saving little bits for the things ahead, we were using cash for purchases and basically living within our means.  Well we gradually floated away from those strict guidelines and so now are scrambling to get back to that financially peaceful state.  Pile on a few more expenses and concerns and the trip back is becoming a little more taxing and stressful for me.  Kimmi’s going to college next week, our short-term tenants are moving out of our Hazelwood house next week, we’ve had those unexpected repairs and other expenses that always turn up so now the savings is back to square one (zero), and it goes on.  This is not unlike so many others, though, I know that!  I also know God’s always provided for us.  Why is it, then, that in the meantime I allow myself to get so anxious?  I’m not trusting fully today.  I’m also kicking myself for not sticking with the plan – we would be better off at this point.  The guilt is pretty heavy – as this is a subject I struggle with all the time!

It’s just one of those days – I feel emotional and quiet.  Quiet is okay.  Emotions are okay but I am asking God to settle me down.  I want His amazing peace, like a hot towel fresh out of the dryer wrapped around me to ease the chill of guilt, pressure, and uncertainty.  I remember one of my life verses in Philippians 4 and recall the well-known and wonderful advice from Paul to lay my needs before God, be thankful, and know He’ll take care of me and my family.  Oh – and rejoicing.  How do you rejoice when you feel down and emotional?  That’s a puzzler.  If I intentionally think about how good God is, how He blesses, try to think above earthly/material things and rise up to an eternal perspective it gets easier.  Rejoicing doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re jumping up and down with a big smile on your face like a middle school cheerleader.  The word rejoice means “to be glad about”.  I can be glad in many things and remember that even if all I had – ALL I had – was God, I would have enough and I could be glad.  Well I DO have God!  I have more than enough in my life…and I AM glad.

Thanks for “listening”.

I know the Lord is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.
No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.   Psalm 16:8-9  NLT

Step Back

Posted on by
Reply

Some thoughts from the last few days:

What if every morning I just prayed and said to God, “I’m stepping back, God.  You’re in charge of my schedule, my encounters with other people, my words, my behavior, my safety or lack thereof, my thoughts, everything.”  What amazing things would I experience?  What freedom!  I know I still have plans and schedules, but to release it all to God first thing and remember that His plans are best.  Those are the ones I want.

My sis and I were “talking” through email about this and she had these wise words for me, “Jesus just moved through his day and touched and taught as he went along.  …He was on his way to heal a man’s sick (actually dead) daughter and the sick woman touched his robe.  He stopped briefly and she was healed (ok, her life was changed and it took him like 2 seconds) and then he went on where he was going!  He just allowed life to happen and he worked in the situations that presented themselves.  For whatever reason, ok the Holy Spirit, it was suddenly so clear to me that with Jesus as our example, that is what God wants us to do, too.”

to doSo true!  We tend to be goal-oriented, task-driven people focused on the end of the race as our goal when our goal should really be all the stuff in between, the day to day running, the pressing on, the scenery along that day’s path, the little moments when we see our big God at work in and through us.

I’m going to pray as I walk/jog in the mornings that God will let me relax back into all that He is and just be carried along through the day by Him.  Total trust.  Total surrender.  Total peace, too.  I’m going to just step back.

We can make our plans,
but the Lord determines our steps.   Proverbs 16:9

It’s Still Good

Posted on by
Reply

I’ve been thinking a LOT about the nature of the Church in America, how we do some things right, how we do some things seemingly wrong, how we miss the mark so often by getting distracted and becoming like social clubs, how it seems we’ve failed in being life-saving stations.  I’ve swayed so far on the continuum that I’ve wondered the purpose of meeting every Sunday to sing songs and have “church.”  What is the point in all this that we do week after week, God?  Is this accomplishing your mission for us??

This morning God showed me that it’s still good.  Meeting for worship with other believers, other “sheep” is still a very good thing.  There’s nothing wrong with it – it’s just not all there is.  When we meet we encourage one another, we get help shifting our focus back to God, we hear from God’s Word, we gain new insights and direction, we hopefully hear testimonies of how God is at work in other people’s lives, we celebrate how good God is together, we sing, we pray together.  It’s still good!   As a church we just can’t stop or stay there.  Our mission is to get out and share hope and Jesus with everyone who hasn’t believed yet.  How do we do that?  That’s the million dollar question! Continue reading →

This is your chance

Posted on by
Reply

We watched the movie “Walk the Line” today, about Johnny Cash’s life.  It was tragic to almost the very end.  Life on the road took its toll on his marriage.  He turned to alcohol and drugs to keep going.  Broken relationships, fits of rage, highs then lows, then deep regret.  This seemed to be the cycle for him.  Along the way he met June Carter, whom he fell in love with (even while still married).  She kept her distance – for the most part – and he sunk further down into despair and addiction.  When he had just about reached the lowest of his lows, June and her parents decided to help.  They threw out his drugs and stayed with him at his house while he went through terrible withdrawals.  They even scared off the visiting drug dealer with a shotgun.  When Johnny finally came through and was in his right mind, he sat weakly in the bed on the verge of tears and told June,

Johnny:  You’re an angel.
June: No, I’m not.
Johnny: You’ve been there with me.
June: I had a friend who needed help. You’re my friend.
Johnny: But I’ve done so many bad things.
June: You’ve done a few, that’s true.
Johnny: My Daddy’s right. It should have been me on that saw. Jack (his brother) was so good. He would have done so many good things. What have I done? Just hurt everybody I know. I know I’ve hurt you. I’m nothin’.
June: You’re not nothin’. You are not nothin’. You’re a good man, and God has given you a second chance to make things right, John. This is your chance, honey.

“This is your chance.”  What a sweet moment in the story – I was so moved.  How true that is for all of us and how true for so many who haven’t even heard it yet!  How many people are out there feeling like they’ve messed up so much they’re nothing…worth nothing.   Continue reading →

Re: Ta-tas and such

Posted on by
5

WARNING TO MALE READERS:  This post contains much estrogen-saturated material and may not be suitable for the male Psyche.  At the very least, a male reader may experience the WTMI (way too much information) effect after only a few lines.  Hey, I warned you.

A blog is for my thoughts and feelings, right?  And hey, this is my blog, so I’m going to blog about some personal stuff because it’s been on my mind so much the last few days.

It’s amazing how our self-image can be so tied up with our bodies.  I was born a “big-boned” girl and at the ripe old age of 9 months had rolls on my thighs that could cut off my parents’ finger circulation as they tried to change my diapers.  Puberty gave the thighs a come-back and I’ve been less than thrilled about the lower half of my body every since.  My sister and I used to joke that it would sure be nice if you could suck in your thighs like you suck in your belly.

I’ve heard there are two basic body shapes:  apples and pears.  I don’t know who came up with the fruit idea but it kind of makes sense if you look around you.  Apples have thin little legs, but tend to gain weight on top, either having round bellies or big chests.  Pears, like me, tend to be smaller on top but gain weight/hold weight in the lower half of the body more.  Invariably when I exercised more and watched what I ate more, my chest was the first to go.  Of all places I was NOT heavily endowed that was it, so the injustice stung all the more.   AND after breastfeeding all three of my girls, which I am so glad I did, what little I had became like deflated balloons or little empty tube socks.  I’m just sayin’.   Continue reading →

Just Do It

Posted on by
1

nike-just-do-it

The famous Nike slogan “Just Do It”, coined by Dan Wieden, co-founder of the advertising agency Wieden+Kennedy, was considered one of the top ad slogans of the 20th century.  I’m adopting it as my personal slogan.  The tricky thing is that I have a lifetime membership in “Procrastinators Anonymous” (I think we’re having a meeting tomorrow, maybe).  For some reason I avoid tasks that seem unpleasant or difficult in the attempt to have peace, comfort, or time to partake in some other more enjoyable activity, only to find that I feel more stressed and restless.

Have you ever stood in a kitchen with dirty dishes stacked precariously high, piles of laundry looming, kids messing around when they’re supposed to be doing homework, stacks of clean clothes yet to be put away, bills to pay, a closet to organize, dinner to fix…?  You get the picture.  It seems much easier in those times for me to just to try and forget all I have to do as I get a diet coke and go sit down.  However, it’s all still there when my moment of intentional oblivion is over.  My mom used to tell me, just start on ONE thing.  Just do it.  Continue reading →