Tag Archives: heart

Can a leopard change it’s spots?

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ImageWhen I was little, I used to think the hymn “Jesus Paid it All” talked about leopard’s changing their spots in one of it’s verses.  That verse actually says, 

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy pow’r, and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots
And melt the heart of stone.

Ohhhh, leper’s spots.  

That reminds me that as a child I also thought it was strange that we were “safe and secure from all alarms” (in the hymn Leaning on the Everlasting Arms).  Were they talking about fire alarms?  But I digress.

We sang “Jesus Paid It All” this past week in our worship time and that verse I mentioned really struck me anew.  While we were singing, God reminded me that He does the creating, changing, renewing, transforming in my heart and not me.  I waste energy and get discouraged trying to change myself, and inevitably facing disappointment when I mess up, when I should just be surrendering and trusting.

What a responsibility, to shape hearts and lives, to bring us into our destiny, designed before we were even born?  It’s a job God is more than happy to do but one we often try to take from Him.  He’s the potter, remember, and we’re the clay.  Just picture how funny it would look if a little lump of clay was trying to spin around on the potter’s wheel and shape itself.  Not possible.  If we don’t willingly be still in God’s presence and remain pliable, we may never become what He’s imagined us to be.  

Once again, I need to remember who I am in relation to who God is.  I need to remember my place.  I believe He has things for me to do, but being the one who transforms myself, or anyone else for that matter, isn’t one of them!  I’m glad!  What a relief.

You paid it all, Jesus, not me.  You are the Savior and Redeemer, the Healer and Restorer.  You have the power to change this leper’s (or leopard’s) spots and melt my heart of stone.  Thank you.

Let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.  Romans 12:2 NLT

O Lord, you are our Father.
    We are the clay, and you are the potter.
    We all are formed by your hand.  Isaiah 64:8 NLT

Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the Lord Almighty.  Zechariah 4:6 NIV

 

From the inside out

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Snowpocalypse 2011, as it’s been called, is just about over it seems.  Two days and nights of a gigantic winter storm crossing more than 20 states with crazy sleet, freezing rain, snow and gusty winds have left everything outside covered in hard, icy white domes.  It took me about 45 minutes yesterday  morning to free my car’s windshield and windows enough to drive, about 30 minutes today.  Thankfully our little Ford Escort has a great heater/defroster and so once that started heating up my job started getting easier.  I can’t even imagine how long it would take to scrape the ice off without that warm air blowing on the glass from the inside.  I would probably give up and just go inside to wait for spring.

I had plenty of time to think as I scraped and thought about the cold that pelts us sometimes and how if we don’t have the warmth of God’s love inside it could become a tough-to-breakthrough shell all over our hearts.  Even though it still takes some time to be free of hurts, mistakes, troubles, etc. with God’s love and strength keeping the embers glowing inside we won’t be covered over forever.  It will most likely take some chipping away, scraping and sharp jabs, but it soon all falls away and we’re free to drive on.

God’s done that for me this year: freed me from some faulty thinking, hurts, questions, times of doubt, and even just plain tiredness that built up and coated my heart, making me feel trapped and unable to move.  Sometimes the warmth inside wasn’t really noticeable but I know it was always there, deep down.  I can see the last pieces starting to melt and little fissures appearing.  I’m free.  Let’s go!

Humbled, happy heart

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I sat there listening to her sing her heart in phrases and heard God talk to me, as well, “I’m showing you again that I have the power to influence this young lady’s heart.  I made her, you know.  I have planted more in her than you could dream of or design.  As precious as you are to me, you are not the author of this young one’s soul and faith.  I Am.”

Thank you, God, and forgive me for doubting, worrying or trying to orchestrate.  Thank you for hearing my deepest heart prayers for her (and for all my daughters) – that You would draw her near, that You would comfort her and give her the strength to surrender to you.   You can handle the angry cries, the stubborn thoughts, the questions and more.  You keep painting beauty over those things and then giving me glimpses of this tough and tender work of art that is my daughter.

How I’ve underestimated all my girls at times, in many ways.  Don’t let me do it any more.  Why would I think they are any less complicated, any less deep thinkers and ponderers, any less in tune with God than I am?  Why would I not think You talk to them the way You do me, that You relish every moment they sit with you, read Your word, sing songs to You?  I’m simply a few years farther down the path, but we’re on the same path following You, “I Am”, our incredible Savior and Creator.

We harmonized together on some familiar tunes and I was drawn into worship as I sat in sleepy comfort.  You were sitting right there, Jesus.  The only thing I can do is bow down in my heart, my thankful, peace-filled, humbled heart.

This song will hold more meaning for me from now on:

You stood before creation
Eternity in your hand
You spoke the earth into motion
My soul now to stand

You stood before my failure
And carried the cross for my shame
My sin weighed upon your shoulders
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God
Completely to you

So I’ll walk upon salvation
Your spirit alive in me
This life to declare your promise
My soul now to stand

So what could I say?
And what could I do?
But offer this heart, Oh God
Completely to you        (© Hillsong United)

Getting healthier after some turmoil last year when pastor left. Facility is really nice and new. Upward basketball – 200+ kids. Pretty good sense of mission, awareness of the need to be missional. Recently changed to a governance leadership structure – significant tool for next pastor.

 

Still some unresolved longstanding, systemic unhealthy conflict. Mortgage – income that comes in with which they pay the mortgage is usually about $4000 a month short. They use cash reserves right now from the sale of their old building to pay the shortfall but that won’t last forever. Still some division from the conflict last year that is healing but isn’t over.

Connecting

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I’m in the middle of my week-long social media fast and so far, so good.  I do miss it, miss that community I feel a part of.  I realize that it’s a habit for me to tweet a lot because whenever things happen or I have a thought I want to share with someone I reach for my phone thinking, “I should tweet that!” and then I remember that I’m not using twitter right now.  I also feel like I don’t know as much of what’s going on in my friends’ and family’s life because I often see on facebook where people are going, what they’re dealing with, and how they feel.  In fact, a day or so ago my sister sent me an email (something I’m still using) and said, “Hey!  What’s going on? John just put on twitter that 3 churches are interested in him?  I need details!”  And I replied, “So do I!  I don’t know what you’re talking about!”  Continue reading →

A couple of clips from my current cogitation

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I learned a new word today, can you tell?  I like it.  Cogitation:  thought or reflection.

  • John preached a message yesterday about how we often say, when caught in an habitual sin or mistake, “I can’t help myself!”  This can be an excuse that keeps us from really finding help out of those habits.  The behavior on the outside of us is really only a symptom of a problem on the inside of us.  If our heart isn’t pure or motivated by God’s Spirit then out come the boo-boos and trip-ups.  When I consider that truth about our hearts, then the phrase “I can’t help myself” is spot on truth.  I can’t fix my heart.  I can’t remove the smudge of sin or human weakness, but Jesus can.  Good ponder fodder, as I like to say.
  • Our family will possibly be making a move out west soon to serve God in the great state of California.  This isn’t a for sure thing yet, Continue reading →

You should be able to see right through me

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Transparent, candid, forthright, frank, open, unambiguous, obvious, understandable, out in the open…

I think of myself as pretty transparent, even though the only one who completely sees through me is God.  I believe in being vulnerable and honest, what I’d like for people to be with me.  Many friends and some strangers who have read my blog posts over the years have told me the reason they like to read them is because they can relate to what I’m saying, to some struggle I’m describing, or some flaw I’m bemoaning.  It’s a connecting point for people to feel someone else has been in their shoes, is questioning something, or is having problems – they’re not alone.

Opening up is risky.  One time I was venting some frustrations (and probably held grudges if I’m really being honest) about a congregation where we served and some of the people who caused trouble there.  I was a little too free with my thoughts and emotions because I offended someone who had once attended there.  They saw my blog (oops) and let me know.  Humbling to say the least!  Perhaps there are some feelings or thoughts that are better spilled out only into God’s hands.

I think there are varying levels of transparency, depending on the situation and the people involved.  I can be completely transparent with my sister, my mom, and a close friend or two and know they won’t judge me but will listen and love me no matter what.  That’s a blessing!  I don’t suppose everyone has people like that they can trust.

What keeps us from opening up?  Continue reading →

Lean Into It

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What mother would say, after hours of exhausting labor, when she’s nearly ready to push the baby out into the world, “This is too much.  I’m giving up”?

What marathon runner would decide to sit down yards away from the finish line after enduring nearly 26 miles of roadway under their hot, tired feet?

What painter would visualize and paint for hours and then leave the painting unfinished, a portion of the canvas still white and empty?

If you’ve gone that far, you may as well keep going until you finish!  The mother definitely has to finish.  There’s no way that baby can stay inside of her and survive.  There’s no turning back once that process is begun.  The way she keeps going when she is weary or hurting is to think of the newborn baby she will soon hold, the joy of bringing a life into the world, the pride of surviving childbirth and joining the ranks of millions of women throughout history who have done the same thing.  When these thoughts surface in her heart she resolves to lean into it and get through to the end, to the wonderful result of seeing her new son or daughter.

A cancer patient braves harsh chemotherapy and radiation because they see through the nausea, tiredness and long days to the hope of being cancer-free, of killing all those unwanted cells and feeling healthy again.  Would they take a few treatments and then stop?  Continue reading →

Find Rest

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Where can we find it?

Elusive, so temporary, fleeting – the rest the world offers.

A vacation or day to do nothing doesn’t really offer the true rest my heart needs.

Can I find rest in a time of uncertainty, stress, concerns that pile up?  Jesus said I can.   The rest He’s offering is a deep, spiritual, soul-filling, healing rest and I want it.  As I drive home today I’m going to spill it all out to Him.  He said it was okay!

He said, “Come.”  I’m coming.

He said, “all you who are weary.”  I’m weary.

He said, “you who are heavy laden.”  I feel weighed down by a lot of thoughts, questions, concerns, and some hurt in my heart.

He said, “Come and learn of me, for I am gentle and humble in heart.”  I can even hear Him say, “I won’t belittle you for coming, I won’t tell you to just deal with it, I won’t turn you away even if you come again and again.”

He gave His word:  “you will find rest.”  Not you just might find rest, but you WILL.  I need it, Lord.  Please keep your word.  Not only for me but for those I love, those on my heart.  Please help us to find your rest.

(This promise is found in Matthew 11:28)

Look in the mirror. Own up to what you see.

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If I want my doctor to help me with something, I have to tell her what’s wrong.  I have to reveal things about myself that might not be so pretty.  If I want a counselor to assist me in regaining wholeness, I have to be gut honest about myself, my family, my past, whatever, in order for him/her to get to the root of the problem and show me how to resolve it.  Without a willingness to be fully open or totally honest, I’ll just be getting band-aid solutions that don’t fully get rid of the real problem.  The symptoms might go away for a while but they’ll be back, and maybe even more ferociously than before.

It’s not easy.  Probably the biggest obstacle is my pride.  Why would I want to show someone else something ugly or flawed about myself?  How embarrassing.  What will they think?   How will I feel about myself?   Who wants to admit a glaring weakness to someone else and show that I don’t have it all together?  I might even appear hypocritical.

This weekend our church is a part of a consultation to help us evaluate ourselves and grow.  One step toward growth, integrity, and becoming more like Jesus is being willing to see truthfully who we are and/or what we have become, admit it is true and be ready to submit to God’s molding, reshaping, and pruning.  It’s as if He’s holding up his big supernatural mirror and we’re seeing the big picture like we haven’t before.  John and I met with the consultation team last night.  Before we went in I felt a little like I did back in school days thinking I had to see the principal. Continue reading →

This is your chance

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We watched the movie “Walk the Line” today, about Johnny Cash’s life.  It was tragic to almost the very end.  Life on the road took its toll on his marriage.  He turned to alcohol and drugs to keep going.  Broken relationships, fits of rage, highs then lows, then deep regret.  This seemed to be the cycle for him.  Along the way he met June Carter, whom he fell in love with (even while still married).  She kept her distance – for the most part – and he sunk further down into despair and addiction.  When he had just about reached the lowest of his lows, June and her parents decided to help.  They threw out his drugs and stayed with him at his house while he went through terrible withdrawals.  They even scared off the visiting drug dealer with a shotgun.  When Johnny finally came through and was in his right mind, he sat weakly in the bed on the verge of tears and told June,

Johnny:  You’re an angel.
June: No, I’m not.
Johnny: You’ve been there with me.
June: I had a friend who needed help. You’re my friend.
Johnny: But I’ve done so many bad things.
June: You’ve done a few, that’s true.
Johnny: My Daddy’s right. It should have been me on that saw. Jack (his brother) was so good. He would have done so many good things. What have I done? Just hurt everybody I know. I know I’ve hurt you. I’m nothin’.
June: You’re not nothin’. You are not nothin’. You’re a good man, and God has given you a second chance to make things right, John. This is your chance, honey.

“This is your chance.”  What a sweet moment in the story – I was so moved.  How true that is for all of us and how true for so many who haven’t even heard it yet!  How many people are out there feeling like they’ve messed up so much they’re nothing…worth nothing.   Continue reading →