Tag Archives: Jesus

The noise upstairs

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It just gets too quiet sometimes around our house these days.  Now that two of our girls are in college and our youngest is gone often with friends, I miss those sounds I’ve loved all throughout our life.  I miss the sounds of the girls giggling, talking, singing in their rooms or playing instruments, playing video games, having friends in and putting on plays, running in and outside the house, and just life.  I miss the sound of them walking up and down the stairs, doing dishes in the kitchen while singing to their iPod, typing away on the computer keyboard across the room, talking on their phones, or even watching TV.  Those sounds let me know my girls were home.

Last weekend all my girls were here, along with my oldest daughter’s boyfriend.  As John and I went to bed at night, I heard their footsteps upstairs, Continue reading →

Worth It

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If I based my worth on people’s opinions of me I would be whipped to and fro like a ride on one of those old wooden roller coasters.  It’s not really fun and it gives me a headache.

If I based my worth on how I feel about myself any given day or moment, I’d be just as fickle and unsure, my self-image battered and held hostage to whichever emotion ruled at the time.

Am I overly emotional at times?  Yes.

A little silly?  Um, yes.

Perfectionistic and holding unrealistic standards for myself, even without the input of others?  You bet.

Prone to make mistakes even on my best days?  Of course. Continue reading →

Not that I want to go there again…

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Last year was fraught with stress, pressure, hurt, questions, doubts, frustrations…you name it!  In fact the last few years for us were pretty stressful in one way or another and brought some disappointments here and there.  That’s the way it is for everyone, I know, it just seemed to be ultra concentrated for a while.  My heart was gasping for God like suffocating lungs for oxygen.  I had to hear His voice, tried to find Him day after day and be near Him.

In this new chapter of life we’ve just started many of those pressures have been relieved.  Life feels a little easier right now.  The only problem is, how do I stay so intimately connected to God like I was before?  It seems I searched for Him more fervently when I didn’t know where the resources to meet our needs in each day were coming from or when I felt so at a loss for solutions that I simply fell into Him in hope that He had them ready.

It’s not like I want to go back, no, no, no, Continue reading →

Root Canal Spirituality

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If you know me, you expect me to draw some lesson or ponderings from my root canal experience last week, some correlation with my faith.  But, of course!  Far be it for me to disappoint.

The whole reason for my root canal was a dead tooth with an abscessed root.  That is just plain nasty.  Infection set in and caused pain so I finally took action.  There was definitely a problem that needed fixing or I would keep hurting and possibly even face more serious problems.

I went to an expert, a man who’s gone to years of schooling and obviously had lots of practice already performing this endodontic feat of fantastic-ness.  He was quick, confident, and kind and I felt I could trust him right away.  He knew what he was talking about and what he was doing.

His assistant was just as sharp, right there with every tool he needed at the right time.  They worked together like clockwork, in tandem, to finish the job for me and get me all fixed up.

There were a few foibles, like one time the assistant accidentally dropped a tool and they had to get a clean one.  Then a particular tool kept malfunctioning and causing him to have to repeat small steps until he got a replacement that worked properly.

I was wishing I could watch the whole procedure from their point of view, Continue reading →

Good Scars

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She said she’s going to get a tattoo that says “Beauty from pain” on her forearm where she has a few scars.  The scars remind her of a not so great choice she made last year and each time she looks at them, she told me, she thinks about what she did.  The scars were like tightly bound, rough ropes that kept her tethered to shame.  She would see them and berate herself all over again for cutting her arm in a moment of deep hurt and loneliness.  I think it did break one of those binding ropes when she told me about it, which she had put off doing for a while.  God was healing her one step at a time.

As she talked about it with me and how she wanted to replace those scars with a positive message, I told her that the scars are not all bad.  They will fade in time, but instead of bringing up shame or disgust with herself for something she feels was a mistake, they could remind her of all God has done for her and is doing right now to help her grow, heal her heart, and use her to encourage other people.  She has good scars.

I remembered back to 2003 when I was recovering from a mastectomy and looked at myself in the mirror for the first time without bandages.   Continue reading →

Thank God, I’m not the One

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“The Afters” sing a great song about how it’s a good thing we’re not God, we’re not the Savior of the world because we couldn’t do, wouldn’t do all that He does for mankind.  He shows mercy when we would just as soon write someone off for ticking us off.  He loves even when we turn our backs on Him, spit in His face in anger or shrug in apathy.  He forgives when we tend to hold grudges.  He gives second, third, fourth, fifteenth, and hundredth chances when we give up on people after a few offenses.

Thank God, I’m not the one!  The world would be in trouble with such a fickle, weak, limited deliverer.  There is a God and it’s not me.  Or you. Continue reading →

Known

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I’m thinking today about knowing others and being known.

I may know your face.  You look familiar.

I may know your name.

I may know about your family, your job, and where you live.

I may know what type of music or movies you like, or what books you read.

I may know what you’re good at doing.

I may know whether you like being with people or alone.

I may know what makes you angry, what makes you truly happy, and what matters most to you. Continue reading →

You’ve been given a gift

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You’ve been given a gift from God: to live one moment at a time.

You don’t have to know what’s ahead or plan out the path.  You don’t have to try to muster up the energy to live tomorrow, just live today.

God promised He would walk with you today, right now.  Just do that, walk with Him in this very moment.  Take His hand, be free.

He can see way down the road, even unto the end of your days and beyond.  You don’t have to.  You just take each happening, each minute, each encounter, each conversation, each thought, each challenge as they come.

There’s no need for “what will I say when I see that person?” or “How will that work out next week?” or Continue reading →

Learning, learning

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It always hurts – those times when God holds up His mirror to show me something in myself that isn’t part of who He made me to be.  I had a critical attitude about something/someone last week and then found myself Sunday doing the very thing I was critical about.

I heard God’s voice loud and clear, reminding me not to judge others, to be concerned with my own self, to be patient even when I don’t feel patient, and to always extend grace to other people because none of us is perfect.

I had to confess quietly, sitting on the piano bench at church, because the worship service was starting.  I was already pretty ashamed of myself.  Then, as it always seems to happen with God’s teaching and molding of me, the sermon happened to be about being crucified with Christ.  Of course.   Continue reading →

I am, You are

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Father God,

I’m clay, You are the potter
I’m a lantern, You are the fire
I’m finite and frail, You are everlasting
I’m easily blown about, You are a rock, immovable
I’m weak, You are powerful and strong
I’m prone to anxiety, You are peace, steady and unwavering

You are the origin of every thing, person, thought, emotion or idea

On my own I am lost, You found me
I was a spiritual orphan but You accepted and adopted me

I’m your child, You’re my Papa

I’m fickle, You are faithful
I’m so small, You are vast beyond comprehension

I get tired of thinking about who I am but love to ponder all that You are

You are love, and how I need Your love
You are the Artist to top all artists, creativity at Your core
You are beauty and altogether good
You are holy, pure, radiant – light with no hint darkness
You are compassion, hope, and promise
You are truth and justice

You are the Master Orchestrator, Architect, and Conductor of the whole universe
You are Creator, Savior, Mighty Conqueror, King
Counselor, Friend, Healer, Father

I see You, Father God, and bow down
I’m humbled and awed by You – there’s no other way to say it
The honor and privilege of living near You, in relationship with You, actually hand in hand with You is amazing and wonderful!

The miracle is that as we draw near You and keep close, Your radiance warms our hearts, melts our pride and burnishes away our imperfections.  We begin to look like You, to bear Your resemblance.  Day by day with You we are transformed!

I am Your smiling child, happy to just be with You.  You are my joy, my song, my Jesus, my God.  Help me to know You more.