Tag Archives: love

This Day

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I stand on the threshold of this new day, door wide open, sun is shining, the path looks inviting today.  I can run on out and get started on my own but I’m waiting.  God, Papa, promised to go with me.

When I take His hand peace fills me up, love from the bottoms of my feet to the tips of my fingers and top of my head.  He becomes my energy and strength.  I look up at Him and smile.  We step out of the doorway and into this day.

Just being near Him is life-changing; His presence radiates and I’m caught in the glow.  I start to resemble Him more as we walk that way, talking, sharing the experiences of this day’s path together.

I keep His pace when He’s holding my hand.  I find that I’m not preoccupied with what’s ahead, I’m just glad to be with Him, minute by minute, hour by hour.

He gives me strength, the words to say when we encounter other travelers, His unselfish love (much better than my own shallow love), compassion, joy.  Sometimes we just start singing spontaneously.

This is the indescribable joy of living in relationship with Him.  He is with me.  I am with Him.

I wouldn’t want to live this day any other way.

I hear Him singing

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There have been many times in this past year when I couldn’t really hear it…times when I almost scoffed at the thought of him singing at all.  Every now and then I thought I heard it, like a brief break in dark, gray clouds that reveals a small patch of blue sky and sunshine that is soon covered by the heavy grayness again.

Sometimes the noise of the wind gusting around me was so loud the melody was faint and far away as I strained to hear it, needing some reassurance or direction.  Sometimes I found myself feeling isolated in a wide and desolate place where the silence is deafening and terrifying.  I asked Him in those difficult moments, “Do you really still delight in me?  Have you forgotten where I am?”

I have to admit there have been times I was angry with Him so I sat down and put my fingers in my ears.  I’m not proud of that, but it’s true.  I was having a hard time believing his song.

He’s proven to me over and over that He never stops singing the song of his unconditional, faithful, and real love.  Nothing lifts my heart and lightens the weight of burdens on my back like the sound of the breathtaking, soaring melody of God’s song as He sings it over me.  When I do hear it, I’m reminded of my place in his family and his heart.  I’m reminded of the undeserved grace He’s given me.  I’m reminded of all that I should be thankful for.

In Zephaniah 3:17 it says,

For the Lord your God is living among you.
He is a mighty savior.
He will take delight in you with gladness.
With his love, he will calm all your fears.
He will rejoice over you with joyful songs.

In these last few weeks I’ve heard Him clearly – loud, triumphant, a fierce love in His voice that is unmistakable.  It bowls me over and then lifts me up.  He really is delighted to lavishly love us and take care of us, to save us.  He really does sing over our lives without ceasing, sometimes faintly and tenderly, sometimes strong.

I hear Him singing…

Jealous God

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I remember hearing years ago about Oprah’s turning away from mainline Christian faith into her confusing mixture of new age beliefs.  She was sitting in church and heard the preacher say something about God being a jealous God.  She thought to herself that if God was jealous of her, what kind of insecure god is that?  She ventured away from traditional views of God and into a nebulous tangle of self-deifying thinking.

I think she misunderstood.  I agree that the word jealous usually has negative connotations.  I was taught growing up that it’s not good to be jealous.  Someone should have told Oprah that God isn’t jealous of her as if He wants to be her, He is jealous of her attention.  He wants her heart and life to be centered on Him and not other things or people.

I caught a glimpse of what this means tonight.  I have these revelations in the oddest places in the strangest timing sometimes.  I was standing in a concert enjoying beautiful, awesome worship music with thousands of other enthusiastic people when I got clearer understanding about this.

I have some hurt over people in my life who have held me at arm’s length or refused my initiations at love or interaction.  When I see them react positively to others and not to me, I feel jealous.  I want that attention and love.  I felt God say that is how He has felt with me lately.

I have allowed myself to get caught up in busyness for a while now.  I’ve been restless and my prayer times have been short and kind of perfunctory.  I know that what I need and really want most is that nearness to God but I keep allowing other things take my attention and time away.  I don’t understand why I do it either and have felt very frustrated with myself.

Tonight I heard God tell me that He’s a jealous God and He wants my attention.  He doesn’t want me to hold Him at arm’s length, saying “later, God” or “I need to do this first” or “I want to give my attention to this instead.”

Can He forgive me for the fourteen-millionth time?  He said “Yes.”

Tonight at the concert Louie Giglio reminded us that extravagant worship happens when we are faced with God’s extravagant grace.  I fully agree.  When I remember my place and what God has done for me, His mercy and patience extended to me over and over again, the only reaction I can give with full sincerity is thankfulness and worship.

I prayed that the other relationship I long to have restored will be someday, but also that I will be thankful I have a jealous God who even notices I’m alive, much less wants me to spend time with Him and live in close relationship with Him.

‘Til the very end

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The goodbyes began this week.  It seems as though we’re walking in between waving farewell to friends here and waving hello to friends ahead.  It’s usually a good thing if that in between period doesn’t last too long.  More than anything, more than sadness, I feel deeply thankful for the connections we’ve made here knowing I don’t have to break any of them.  I get to keep the friends I’ve made and take them along with me in my heart as I meet new ones.

One of my goodbyes will be to my 96, almost 97, year old grandmother Retha.  She lives in a nursing home in Anderson and I went by to visit her today.  Luckily she was up in her wheelchair instead of lying in bed, so I took her down the hall to a nice, open room with big windows letting in the sunshine.  We sat facing each other and catching up.  Grandma does remarkably well considering her age.  She was really happy when I told her John has a pastorate now and we have a good place to go live and serve.  She was also happy it’s not terribly far away.

A good friend of mine, who has been friends with my grandmother for much longer, is a lady named Ann Smith.  Ann radiates joy and life out of her relationship with Jesus, even now in her eighties.  The last time I saw her she gave me a Bible verse to read to my grandma.  I shared it with grandma today.  It’s Isaiah 46:3-4: Continue reading →

A quick look back, then we face the dawn

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I believe in pressing forward and in living in this day but once in a while it’s good to take a quick look back to see how far we’ve come and remember what we learned.  A friend of mine said today that looking toward this new year is like throwing out a fishing line, we wait and watch to see what we’ll reel in, not knowing, but hoping.  I joked that it’s probably good we can’t see all that we’re going to “reel in” this coming year and that I’m glad Jesus is there to help us if we have to pull in something really heavy or menacing.  Today I’ve been thinking some about the lessons I caught in 2010.  Some of them were whoppers: Continue reading →

Pondering peace, love and other Christmas stuff

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I was quietly enjoying a breakfast burrito at McDonald’s and catching up on twitter on my phone this morning when all of a sudden I heard a woman’s angry voice shouting, “This is the worst service EVER!!  You suck!!”  Then someone else shouted “Merry Christmas!”  I didn’t see it happen but I’m assuming she stormed out after hurling that piece of her mind at the surprised workers behind the counter.  It’s true they were a little slow today and it was very busy there, but I’m not sure their less-than-speedy service warranted that attack.  My first thought was how mean and unfair it was for her to do that and that if I was that worker I would probably be fighting back tears.  I hate to get yelled at.  Now that I think about it, does anyone like getting yelled at?   My next thought was that she must be stressed-out or already worked up about something else to react so strongly.  And down deep, she must be hurting.  Hurt usually leads to anger.

The first few weeks of December when we had no money to buy presents and were anticipating a very simple Christmas, God gave me a little (emphasis on little) perspective of what it’s like for so many people every year.  There are lots of families who struggle to make ends meet and aren’t able to do much, if anything, in the gift buying and giving department.  You know, there is a lot of pressure from people’s expectations and TV commercials about buying stuff, buying stuff, and buying more stuff.  I hadn’t realized it as much until this year.  Often the first question in passing conversation is “Have you gotten your shopping done?”   Continue reading →

God’s on a roll

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Wow.  How do I begin to blog about this weekend?  I just got home from a weekend in Indianapolis, hanging out with almost 1600 teenagers and youth leaders, hearing God’s Word, worshiping and singing, and seeing God do His amazing work in hearts.  There were so many times when God proved that what was happening could only be because of Him and it humbled me.  It blessed me.  It awed me.  I just keep saying “wow” and “thank you” over and over again. Continue reading →

In honor of this, the peewee’s day of birth

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Sixteen years ago, about this time actually, I was holding my newest baby girl, Kristine Michele.  I was exhausted but elated.  The nurses had, for some reason, taken a long time to get her washed up, measured, and so forth and so by the time they brought her to me in my room I was dying to get my arms around her.  She likes to tell the story, after seeing her birth on video, of how she cried and cried when she was first born but the moment they laid her on my chest she immediately stopped and just looked at me with her big brown eyes.  You can’t recreate or fully describe moments like that.  An instant bond was created with this new little one, who tried coming out with one hand extended above her head, as if to shake our hands and announce herself to the world.  When I was growing up I always thought I’d be a good mom to boys, since I was such a tomboy.  God knew better and blessed me with three girls instead and Kristine rounded out the family well.  She was a really happy baby, probably partly due to being third and her parents being much more relaxed this time around.  She was delighted to be entertained by her big sisters goofy antics and stories and was soon up and walking to follow them around.  They probably don’t know how much she has always looked up to them, how much she still does, and how much she loves them.

She talked earliest of the three, walked earliest of the three and was soon putting on shows, singing songs while doing little jigs, making us laugh, and giving us “bombs” Continue reading →

Who I’m Not

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I have the joy of hanging out with the senior high kids on Wednesday nights at church.  I don’t have much responsibility except once a month or so handing out snacks, which is fun because teenagers love to eat.   A bonus is getting to witness God at work in young hearts.  Another bonus is having him work in my heart at the same time.  You know adults have a lot of the same insecurities that teenagers do and need a lot of the same lessons and reminders.  Even though there’s an age difference we’re all walking the path together.

Tonight we were taught that in order to know who we really are, we have to realize, admit and decide who we are NOT.  What a great truth and how we all need to know it.  [Important side note: During worship the youth band led the song “How He Loves” and as we sang the words about how much God loves us, my throat tightened and my eyes stung a little.  In my heart I told God that I don’t really feel that right now but I was singing it trying to believe it.  You know, prolonged waiting and trusting and uncertainty have a way of wearing one out.] Anyway, after the message, we had the opportunity to respond by going to tables in the back which were covered in brown paper with giant red “No” symbols painted on them.  Continue reading →

Touch

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Never underestimate the power of a touch, of holding a hand, of a really good hug.

We went to see my grandmother today.  She’s 96 1/2 and making the most of her days.  Today she advised us to try writing with our left hands so that if we ever lost the use of our right hands we’d be prepared.  (She has lost the use of her right hand due to a stroke)   She also told us her thinker wasn’t fast enough as she was having trouble getting the words she wanted to use to surface when she talked with us.  She grinned a lot as we sat on the front porch of her nursing home, enjoying the autumn sunshine and breeze.  She always asks us what we’ve been doing and didn’t disappoint today.  The girls shared about school, boyfriends, hobbies, etc.  Grandma always asks for them to bring her pictures they’ve taken or drawn, come play music for her, share and leave bits of themselves with her to enjoy when we’re not there.

You need to know something about my grandmother.  Continue reading →