Tag Archives: trust

Hello, my name is Grumpy

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I heard it many times from the “fair police” in our family as she was growing up: “It’s not fair!”  To which I would reply, as gently as possible, “Well, you know what, life isn’t fair.”

We just returned from several days away, to Dallas, TX, for a conference about churches equipping parents to raise godly kids, to pass their faith along so that when the kids grow up they will remain faithful and involved.  We were challenged, inspired, encouraged, sobered, and taught much during our time there.  It was a lot to take in, hearing from about 10 speakers in two days’ time.  It was also really nice to be away with my husband, get a little more sleep than usual, bask in Texas sunshine outside, and just chill.

poutingIt’s good to get away but always good to get home.  However, as we were getting ready for bed last night I found myself feeling grumpy, out of sorts.  I asked myself why.  We just had a great week, learned lots of good things, had nice time away together.  What do I have to be grumpy about?  I’ve been intentionally trying to have a positive, faith-filled attitude about everything, but some emotion I’ve been pushing down bobbed up to the surface.  As I lay down to go to sleep, in my head I told God, “It’s not fair, God.  Continue reading →

WTDWYDKWTD #2

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When I was in the sixth grade, my dad pastored a church in Lake Wales, Florida.  One Saturday there was supposed to be a work day so my brother, sister and I got our old clothes on and got ready to go help out at the church.  That was the plan.  My parents piled us in the big, light green, Chevy impala we owned and started off down the road.   Dad drove right past the church.  We looked at each other and asked him what was up.  He said we were going to McDonald’s first for breakfast.  Cool!

mcdonalds_cropped_by_daquella_maneraHe drove by the McDonald’s.  What?  Jodi, Jon and I looked at each other again and asked him, “Dad, where are you going?”

“Oh, there’s another McDonald’s down the road a ways.”

“Okay,” we thought, puzzled.

Dad passed the next McDonald’s.  Okay, something is weird here!  “Dad, we’re going to be late for the work day!” we cried, “We’re way down the road now.”

He smiled and said, “There’s another McDonald’s a little farther on.”  In fact he and mom started singing a silly impromptu song, “Ohhhhhh there’s a McDonald’s in Lake Wales, there’s a McDonald’s in Winter Haven…”  We realized our parents had officially lost it.  Continue reading →

What To Do When You Don’t Know What To Do #1

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I did it again.  I don’t know what I was thinking.  For months I’ve been praying for my church to grow and for my faith to grow.  I’m telling you, when you pray for growth, patience, or humility you’re asking for it.

I’ve been praying God would do radical surgery on my heart and my hubby’s heart and the hearts of all the people in our church family – that we would develop driving, burning, enduring concern and love for people who are lost and without Jesus.  I’ve prayed that He would direct us and show us answers.  What should we do?

We want to do what pleases you, God.  We want to be more like You…but how do we do that?

Well God’s shaking up our world.  I know He’s been answering my prayers even before evidence started bubbling above the surface this past weekend.  At one point on Sunday it washed completely over me:  God is going to do something life-changing, something BIG, something we didn’t expect, something that will challenge us beyond what we’ve experienced before.  Along with that wave of “revelation” came a huge sense of dread.  My stomach felt as if it was being wrung out like a wet washcloth.

Do we have it in us to do what you’re asking, God?  I looked across the sanctuary to where my husband sat.  The whole “spirit is willing but the flesh is weak” truth was about to knock me over. Continue reading →

More than anything…or anyone.

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There are those moments when faith claims you’ve made seem to fly up in front of you and you have the choice to act and prove they’re true or recant.  One moment I recall this happening for me was when I got my cancer diagnosis.  All of the sudden all the claims I had made about always trusting God, His constant presence, and believing in healing sprung up in front of me and I had to decide whether or not I would put feet to my faith, the good ol’ “rubber meets the road” cliche.   All I could do was try.  Put one foot in front of the other and see if God was there.  He was.

Another instance that comes to mind was the passing of my grandmother almost two years ago.  I have always believed in heaven and eternal life with Jesus, but all of the sudden her death triggered a time to re-think and decide if I really believe it.  Do I really believe that she’s there now?  Do I really believe that I’ll see her there, that we’ll live forever?   I’m choosing to believe what Jesus said…that if we trust in Him we’ll live with him, even though our bodies here die.  If anyone trusted Jesus, my grandmother was front in line.   Continue reading →

The Blahs vs Mimi

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POTM_2008_03WinterBlahsThe last few nights I’ve slept restlessly.  I don’t know if it’s because our mattress is on the floor right now (we threw out our box springs in the bed bug fiasco this summer), if I’m thinking about a lot of things, or what.

I think it’s the latter of those:  lots of things on my mind.  Maybe if I type them out I’ll feel better.  Sure – why not unload them on you?  Just kidding.  If you don’t mind “listening” here goes:

Almost two years ago when we moved into our townhouse we were following the Dave Ramsey plan religiously.  It was hard but we actually had “financial peace” because we were saving little bits for the things ahead, we were using cash for purchases and basically living within our means.  Well we gradually floated away from those strict guidelines and so now are scrambling to get back to that financially peaceful state.  Pile on a few more expenses and concerns and the trip back is becoming a little more taxing and stressful for me.  Kimmi’s going to college next week, our short-term tenants are moving out of our Hazelwood house next week, we’ve had those unexpected repairs and other expenses that always turn up so now the savings is back to square one (zero), and it goes on.  This is not unlike so many others, though, I know that!  I also know God’s always provided for us.  Why is it, then, that in the meantime I allow myself to get so anxious?  I’m not trusting fully today.  I’m also kicking myself for not sticking with the plan – we would be better off at this point.  The guilt is pretty heavy – as this is a subject I struggle with all the time!

It’s just one of those days – I feel emotional and quiet.  Quiet is okay.  Emotions are okay but I am asking God to settle me down.  I want His amazing peace, like a hot towel fresh out of the dryer wrapped around me to ease the chill of guilt, pressure, and uncertainty.  I remember one of my life verses in Philippians 4 and recall the well-known and wonderful advice from Paul to lay my needs before God, be thankful, and know He’ll take care of me and my family.  Oh – and rejoicing.  How do you rejoice when you feel down and emotional?  That’s a puzzler.  If I intentionally think about how good God is, how He blesses, try to think above earthly/material things and rise up to an eternal perspective it gets easier.  Rejoicing doesn’t necessarily mean that you’re jumping up and down with a big smile on your face like a middle school cheerleader.  The word rejoice means “to be glad about”.  I can be glad in many things and remember that even if all I had – ALL I had – was God, I would have enough and I could be glad.  Well I DO have God!  I have more than enough in my life…and I AM glad.

Thanks for “listening”.

I know the Lord is always with me.
I will not be shaken, for he is right beside me.
No wonder my heart is glad, and I rejoice.   Psalm 16:8-9  NLT

Step Back

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Some thoughts from the last few days:

What if every morning I just prayed and said to God, “I’m stepping back, God.  You’re in charge of my schedule, my encounters with other people, my words, my behavior, my safety or lack thereof, my thoughts, everything.”  What amazing things would I experience?  What freedom!  I know I still have plans and schedules, but to release it all to God first thing and remember that His plans are best.  Those are the ones I want.

My sis and I were “talking” through email about this and she had these wise words for me, “Jesus just moved through his day and touched and taught as he went along.  …He was on his way to heal a man’s sick (actually dead) daughter and the sick woman touched his robe.  He stopped briefly and she was healed (ok, her life was changed and it took him like 2 seconds) and then he went on where he was going!  He just allowed life to happen and he worked in the situations that presented themselves.  For whatever reason, ok the Holy Spirit, it was suddenly so clear to me that with Jesus as our example, that is what God wants us to do, too.”

to doSo true!  We tend to be goal-oriented, task-driven people focused on the end of the race as our goal when our goal should really be all the stuff in between, the day to day running, the pressing on, the scenery along that day’s path, the little moments when we see our big God at work in and through us.

I’m going to pray as I walk/jog in the mornings that God will let me relax back into all that He is and just be carried along through the day by Him.  Total trust.  Total surrender.  Total peace, too.  I’m going to just step back.

We can make our plans,
but the Lord determines our steps.   Proverbs 16:9

More thoughts from the front row

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Nothing teaches you about God’s nature as a heavenly father like being a parent.  I have learned so much through the different stages of life we’ve experienced so far about his patience, his unconditional love, his desires for us to “succeed” and win, his devotion, his delight in us, his eagerness to protect and guide us, and more.

frontrowEver since my first little baby girl was born I’ve had the privilege of a front row seat.  God graciously invited John and I to be co-directors in the continuing saga of their lives.  It’s been challenging, exciting, funny, sad, frustrating, exhausting, joyful, disappointing, humbling, and wonderful.  No shortage of dramatic girls for the roles of the three daughters in this story.

About 7-8 years ago the scene began changing as we entered the teen phase of parenting.  It started off so smoothly we smugly thought we had it made.  “Piece of cake!  What’s the big deal everyone’s always talking and whining about?  It’s not that different than the last scene.”  And really, compared to many we do have it made.  Our girls are a delight to us, make us proud, fill our lives so much that we don’t want to imagine what it would be like without them.  The last few years have become a bit more challenging however – Continue reading →

Not so Desirable Front Row Seat

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harry-potter-poster_330x508It seems almost everyone is talking about the new Harry Potter movie, “The Half-Blood Prince” based on J.K. Rowling’s sixth book in the series.  I’ve read all the books and as usual, I think the book is so much better.  The movie is entertaining, for sure, but so much had to be left out and several liberties taken with original story.  [SPOILER WARNING – if you haven’t read the book or seen the movie yet and plan to, don’t read on]

At the end of the story, Death Eaters (the bad guys) have made their way into the previously secure school Hogwarts.  Draco, a student who has become a death eater, has been charged by the dark lord, Voldemort, with the task of killing the head master, Dumbledore.  He’s made several feeble attempts that failed but now has found Dumbledore in a tower (Harry & Dumbledore had just returned from a dangerous quest in another place) and stands with his wand pointed at him, poised to kill.  In the movie, before Draco gets there, Dumbledore tells Harry to run and get a professor and not to come back up to the tower under any circumstances.  Harry starts downstairs but then, hearing what’s happening, stays a floor underneath watching and listening.  He doesn’t run back up to help Dumbledore because He gave his word not to.

In the book, Harry turns to go get the professor and hears Draco come up to the tower where they are.  Before he can turn to say anything or help, Dumbledore wordlessly casts a spell that immobilizes him.  Harry stands under his invisibility cloak, stiff as a statue, leaning up against the wall, an unwilling spectator, unable to move or speak.  Dumbledore talks Draco down so he almost gives up and gives in, but the other death eaters reach the tower including the professor Harry was supposed to fetch.  Harry watches with horror, powerless, as the professor who was supposed to help actually raises his wand pointed at Dumbledore Continue reading →

The culprit

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Walking and talking – one of my favorite things to do with a friend.  We covered 3-4 miles on a sunny, cool morning and many topics ranging from parenting teenagers, memories, misc. stuff, our parents, church, and faith.   My friend shared something with me that I want to share with you.  She had looked up “discouragement” in a commentary.  The author offered four reasons why we get discouraged as believers: the hardness of the way, the difficulty of the task, the affluence of the wicked, and desires that remain unfulfilled.  These all totally make sense to me and I could easily relate to each one.  The fact that life is often not as we expected it to be, especially when following Jesus, can be discouraging.   To see others who aren’t living for Christ and seem to have so much, or have it easy is discouraging if we let it be.  Going through tragedy, sickness, unemployment, persecution, or any other “trial” can definitely wear on us and discourage us.  For each of these discouragement “triggers” my friend said a Bible verse was listed to show the remedy for each one according to God.  Oddly enough, each verse contained the words, “fear not.” Fear is the culprit!   If you think about a tough circumstance or trial you’ve been through, fear is bound to be involved somehow:  fear of the unknown, fear of things turning out different than we hope, fear that we won’t make it through, fear that we’re inadequate for the task, fear of others’ opinions, fear of not having what we need or want, fear of failing…

1732461-9-just-for-today-i-will-not-be-afraidWhen I don’t fully trust God it shows fear, and that leads to discouragement.  Conversely, when I decide to lean out over the edge of the unknown and fully trust in God, even though I can’t see what’s coming, I have such peace and freedom.

Our enemy, satan, loves to use fear.   Continue reading →

Randomizer

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The last time I posted a bullety, random post I accidentally deleted it.  Here’s to not accidentally clicking the wrong button anymore.

  • I say cautiously that I think we may have kicked the bed bugs out for good.  It’s been 3 days since we’ve seen one.  Our friends who lent the personal steamer said we can keep it for a while, just in case.  Thanks!
  • My 14-year-old nephew has arrived from Phoenix at the Indy airport and is awaiting my husband and two older daughters who are picking him up.  He’s here to visit for a week an we’re so excited!  He’s one of the neatest kids I’ve ever met. Ever.
  • One of the bonuses of the bed bug “experience” is a super-clean (at least for now) townhouse.  Ahhhh.  Rugs are clean, base boards are clean, all the blankets and linens and clothes are clean.   Now if we could only keep this up.  Yeah, right!
  • I’m reading I Samuel right now and was curious when I read that once Saul had disappointed God, God sent a tormenting spirit to give Saul a hard time.  I didn’t know God would do things like that.  I asked John what he thought and he said maybe God was punishing him.  Hmmm…     Told you God was a mystery!
  • I was all concerned about my youngest the other day but God has really been answering prayers and showing in clearly visible ways that He’s able to break through and speak to her, guide her, and love her – even without my advice or help.  It sure does this mom’s heart good.  Thank you, God!
  • I’ve been really busy and working hard since…well…it seems like forever… especially last week and over the weekend.  As a result I’m realllly tired.  I feel good but just tired.   I keep hoping one day I’ll get a day all to myself, no kids at home, no husband, just me, the quiet animals, and Jesus.  Now THAT would be something.
  • I so need to get back into an exercise routine.  It’s amazing how quickly the body shape changes and muscle turns to flab when you just sit around.  Crazy!   It would probably help if I stop eating ice cream.
  • John just preached about trusting and obeying God under pressure and today I felt a lot of pressure.  I am trying to trust and obey!  I think God decided I needed object lessons to go along with that message so I’d be sure to understand and internalize the idea. 
  • We’re still waiting for someone to rent or lease to own our house in Missouri.  It is taking forever!  That’s another thing we keep waiting and waiting on, trying to fully trust and know God will do something sometime.  I wish we could go see it for ourselves and make sure it’s okay.  It’s hard being 5 hours away – it costs more for us to make a trip over than ask someone to clean the yard for us, etc.
  • I tried something new at McAlister’s today for lunch – a harvati sweet chipotle chicken panini.  Try saying that ten times fast!  It was delicious!  I love it when trying something new has good results.  I’m such a creature of habit, ordering things I KNOW taste good.  I felt adventurous and daring today evidently.
  • My doggy has a tumor the size of a small loaf of bread on her side!  The vet said it wasn’t cancerous (at least it wasn’t at Christmas time) and we can’t afford to get it removed so she looks rather lumpy and lopsided, poor thing.  It doesn’t seem to bother her.  She’s so sweet.  I love her.  What a great companion.
  • The new Christy Nockels CD is so good!  You should give a listen sometime.  I especially love the song “By Our Love.”
  • Once Curtis gets here and I give hugs, I’m going to bed!  I’m pooped!