Tag Archives: God

The questions with no answers

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I know you have them, too.  Those deep thoughts about the meaning of life and the way things are and why they’re the way they are.  The thoughts and questions that, if you dwell on them too long, start to make you feel anxious or weird or small.   While I was driving to work yesterday, watching the sun grow brighter and then seeing colorful purple and pink clouds spreading away from that rising sun as I drove over a hill, my mind started asking some of those questions – the questions with no answers.  Continue reading →

Get out of my way, I can’t see!

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It happens every once in a while:  something I’m concerned about grows so large within me it swallows me up and leaves me feeling trapped in stomach-churning anxiety.  I know I should trust God, I know He’s good, I know He’s in control, I know He can handle anything.  It’s just that sometimes these concerns get in the way and I can’t see God.

It happened on Saturday.  I was at my parents’ home for the weekend, helping my mom pack up.  They’ll be moving to Arizona soon for their retirement and couldn’t be more excited.  It was so good to spend time with them.  For some reason on Saturday I started thinking again about the extreme tightness of my family’s budget right now and that it’s likely to be that way for some time because of our circumstance and I couldn’t even eat the yummy double-cheeseburger my dad had brought me.  I think the grinding sound my brakes made on my trip over and the idea of another car repair bill got it all stirred up this time.  Continue reading →

They Inspire Me

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When we lived in New Mexico I decided to begin jogging.  The first week or so during my run I’d develop a stitch in my side.  A neighbor who was an avid jogger told me that it would help if I took more intentional, bigger breaths as I ran.   When I tried it, it helped!  I needed some more oxygen.  I can’t imagine running without taking big breaths.  In fact, moving at all would be impossible without breathing…so would living!

I have several good friends who are on the journey of illness and recovery.   They each have blogs or care pages so I can read their thoughts, feelings, and experiences along the way.  They inspire me.  They are choosing to trust God and look at the best side of things as much as possible.   It’s not that they are “Pollyannas” or candycoat their experiences; they’re honest and real and that is probably the biggest inspiration of all. Continue reading →

My girls are in good hands

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I remember the first time I felt it.  It hit me as if a bucket of ice water was suddenly splashed on me.  John and I were brand new parents and had brought our little Kimberly, only 2 weeks old, to a church dinner to see everyone.  We’d be moving to Florida in another week.  Some of our friends, women who had nurtured and loved on us over the years, came over excitedly to see our baby and then took her in their arms, carrying her around the room to show her to other folks.  All of the sudden, as they walked away with her, I was overcome with a protective compulsion to go get her.  They took my baby!  Bring her back! Continue reading →

The Joy of Cleaning Toilets

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I still refer to it as one of the best, most life-changing summers of my life.  It was the summer of 1985 and I was on staff at a family camp in the San Bernardino mountains of California.  “Forest Home” was my home for almost three months and I loved it there among the tall pine trees and rugged rocky slopes.  Each week a different group of families would come through so there was constant activity and life happening all around.  I was assigned to the “Accomo” crew, which is short for “Accommodations”, which means housekeeping.  My crew mates and I would travel by pick-up trucks to the various cabins and dorms where the people stayed, changing bed sheets, vacuuming, cleaning the bathrooms, and all that kind of stuff.   We would load up with canvas bags of clean sheets, bags for the dirty sheets, cleaning supplies, vacuum cleaners, mops, buckets, you name it and work all day.  It was hard work and tiring.  There were times my feet would hurt from standing in showers being in tennis shoes wet with cleaning solution and disinfectant all day.  I went through lots of hand lotion from all the washing we did.  I did learn how to drive using side rearview mirrors – navigating out of narrow gravel driveways without going off a ledge (Actually I did go off a ledge once but no one got hurt).  Continue reading →

Just a little farther

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A little girl stands on the edge of a swimming pool, a little tentative and yet excited at the same time.  While she stands biting a nail, her daddy stands in the water, arms outstretched, urging her to jump in and swim to him.  He’s only about 4 feet from the side of the pool.  A big smile spreads across her face as she jumps in with a splash and begins paddling her arms and kicking her legs, heading toward her dad.  He never takes his eyes off of her but slowly steps back a little farther without her really noticing.  She keeps swimming and he steps back a little more.  When she’s had enough and starts to splutter he grabs her just at the right moment and pulls her to himself.  They hug, laughing.   “Why did you keep moving back, Daddy?!” she asks still panting a little but hanging on with arms and legs wrapped around him.  “I knew you could go farther.  I was watching and I was right there in case you went under.”  Even though it was a little disconcerting, it bolstered the little girl’s confidence in her ability to get to Him again the next time.  She could do more than she thought she could.  Her dad proved He was trustworthy.

I read an interesting supposition in a book the other day:  that God answers prayers more readily for new followers/new believers because they are so fresh in their faith and need frequent reassurances to build trust.  The author proposed that as we grow and mature God doesn’t answer as quickly because He wants us to seek Him, to press in harder, sometimes even reaching the point of desperation for Him.  He knows we can go farther.  What do you think?  Continue reading →

Faith Fatigue

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Sometimes cheerleaders need a cheerleader themselves.  Sometimes those who are often strong need someone strong.  Sometimes those with deep convictions need reassurance.  Even those with strong faith face times when it’s harder to believe, or at least harder to stand up tall and declare with confidence that God is at work.   Getting through life sometimes feels like I’m a scrawny rookie football player trying to make it past a line of huge linesmen pumped up on adrenaline and ready to take me down.  As I run I get bumped from side to side, tripped, flipped over, even knocked flat once in a while.  When that happens there are times I jump up, impassioned, fueled and motivated to run even harder.  Then there are times when I just lay there looking up at the sky.

I was looking up at the sky today.   Continue reading →

TGYWTT

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This morning I realized that I forgot Thankful Thursday again!  So instead of TGIF, today I say TGYWTT:  Thank God Yesterday Was Thankful Thursday.

This time I want to thank God for the things I usually think of as negative or unwanted in my life.  I know He uses everything to help us grow, to strengthen us, to keep us humble, to help us remain desperate for Him.  Thanking God even for the awful things you encounter is a way of saying “I trust You, God, and still believe that you’re good.  I believe what you said about causing all things to work together for good.” (Romans 8:28)  Like the Psalmist said in chapter 118, “Thank God because he’s good, because his love never quits.” (The Msg)  I thank God because He’s good and that never changes….so I can always be thankful.

As a follower of Jesus I say that I’m content whatever comes my way because my life belongs to Him and I trust Him.  Can I take it a step further and actually be thankful for the hard stuff that comes my way?  Sometimes I can.  I try to.  I guess that’s what the song means that says “we bring a sacrifice of praise.”  Being thankful can actually feel like sacrifice.   We may not feel thankful but we choose to be.  So here goes… Continue reading →

Pencil marks on a wall

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For a long time there were gray lines on our brightly colored, floral kitchen wallpaper.  My brother, sister and I were always eager to compare the measurements dad had made the year before and see that we had grown. Sometimes we couldn’t wait a year and asked him to check us more often, hoping to see a change.  We’d check to make sure everyone had their heels on the floor and stretched our necks up as straight and high as we could.  Just having that little pencil-line proof gave us a little boost of confidence and made us smile proudly.  Of course, inside we hoped to end up taller than the other two siblings. Continue reading →

Even more “beautiful”

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Can you stand it?  More beautiful??  (3rd post in a row with “beautiful” in the title for those who wonder what the heck I’m talking about)

I’m thinking of a song I love tonight as I’ve been listening to God tell me that there’s no need to panic when those I love make choices I wouldn’t want them to make or seem to be struggling a little to “find their feet” on this path.  He is able and He is watching.  He’s never distracted or bewildered as to how to help them or draw them near.  He loves them, so much more than I do, which is hard for me to grasp when I feel it so deeply from my insides out.  Right now, though my first impulse was to talk and try to control I feel God telling me to be quiet, to watch and see.  I’m praying and trying to stay so close to Him so that I can hear whenever He prompts me to speak and help, but in the meantime I can almost see him wave his arms out in a flourish with a big smile and say “Watch what I can do!  Out of the ashes, out of blunders, out of missteps, I will bring beauty, healing, and wholeness.”  I’m watching, Papa.  Please handle with care.  You know how much she means to me.